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01 July 2005 @ 09:05 pm
Power and Control- chapt 12 part 2  

Becuase LJ decided that the post was too big, I had to split the chapter into 2 parts...meh!

Amon dared a glance up at Sakaki’s face.  The teen was shocked, but he didn’t see any hatred or disgust reflected on the boy’s features.   It relieved him somewhat.  Amon knew he had no choice but to tell everything.  He felt like he owed it in some way for his own mishandling of this whole Zaizen situation.  Sakaki said he wanted details, but he just couldn’t tell him about the acts that horrible man made him do.  It was hard enough to tell him that he was a Seed; there was no need to go into all the gangbangs and BDSM parties that featured him as the main course.  He just hoped that Sakaki would never have to know any of that…that horror.   He had to close his eyes as his mind flashed a collage of memories that made the bile rise in his throat.


            “Have you ever thought about using your talent and becoming a craft user like Robin?” Sakaki asked hesitantly. 


            Amon had honestly never thought about that option before.  It would require a great deal of explaining to Solomon HQ as to why they were unaware of his latent power.  There was also the danger that he might be deemed a witch and hunted himself.


            “No, I haven’t” he answered.  “It’s too dangerous for me and everyone else.  I’ve tried working with it to control it better.  I made some progress, but it’s still too hard to contain it.  It’s better if I let the Orbo negate its effects.” 


            “Can you show me your craft?” Sakaki inquired gently.  He leaned forward to place his empty beer bottle on the table. 


            Amon frowned.  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.  I wouldn’t want to hurt you accidentally.”


            He hoped Sakaki wouldn’t press him on the matter.  He was already feeling spent as it was.  Even though he laid out the facts as matter-of-factly as he could, it was still an exhausting process. 


            The blonde leaned back.  Though he tried to mask it, he was obviously disappointed.  “Alright.   So, tell me about your contact and what you have on Zaizen so far.”


            “I can’t divulge who my source is… for their protection,” Amon added when Sakaki looked like he was about to complain.  “But there is a stream of funds coming into and going out of the Factory that is rather suspicious.  Zaizen has many financial backers outside of Solomon.  We’ve been trying to track them and see where the money trail ends.”


            Sakaki’s expression went pensive.  “Backers for what?”


Amon rubbed at his temple again. “That’s what we’ve been trying to figure out.  As far as I can tell, it looks like additional research is being done, but we can’t figure out what it’s being done on.”


  “Hmm, I would like to see what you have gathered so far.  I may not be the smartest person, but every bit helps, right?”


            “Yes, that would be good.  You’re a quick thinker.  Perhaps you can find something that we missed.” Amon stated and Sakaki’s eyebrow rose.  Confused at the boy’s reaction, he asked, “What?”


            “You just gave me a compliment.  You’ve never done that before,” Sakaki said with a smile.  Amon actually felt his face burn hot with embarrassment for the briefest of moments, but then his mood quickly sobered. 


            “I envy you sometimes,” he admitted, though it twisted his guts to do so.  “You and Michael are very lucky to have each other.  You don’t let what Zaizen does to him affect your relationship, which is admirable.  Michael needs that type of stability.  That way he won’t end up like me.”  As soon as the words left his mouth, he cringed. 


            “What’s that supposed to mean?” Sakaki challenged. 


            “There’s no need to try and spare my feelings, Sakaki.  I know what I am,” Amon snapped.  “All my skills as a hunter aside, my life is shit.”


            “What?  You’re life isn’t shit, Amon.”


            “Oh, it’s not?  What else do I have besides my work?”  When Sakaki didn’t supply an answer, he continued.  “I have nothing.  There is no one to go home to, no one gives a damn what happens to me outside working hours.  I’m a whore, Sakaki, plain and simple.  I sold my soul to Zaizen and he rents it out to whoever can afford it.” 


            Sakaki crossed his arms over his chest.  “I never figured you as a drama queen, Amon.  I must say that I’m a little disappointed.  You’re better than this.”


            “Better?” Amon said incredulously.  “Look, even after this whole fucking nightmare is over, it still doesn’t change the fact that I was passed around to god knows how many men, so that pervert could get off on watching me suffer.”  Amon’s voice went up a few notches as his anger began to build. 


            Sakaki answered in kind, waving his arms and pointing in Amon’s direction to illustrate his own frustration.  “You say that like you had a choice in the matter!  From what you said, it sure didn’t sound like you volunteered for anything.  He manipulated you, it wasn’t your fault.”


            “I did have a choice!” Amon yelled back.  “I gave myself over to him of my own free will.  I may not have known what exactly was going to happen, but I gave my consent.”


            “Just like Michael had a choice?” 


Amon’s eyes narrowed.  “That’s different,” he replied coolly.   “Zaizen never made him choose, he just took what he wanted.”


“You don’t think opting to live a life of indentured servitude over a bullet in the back of the head was a choice?” the blonde wheezed.  Amon pursed his lips together as an answer.  “Then to be dragged into that office one night and…and raped with the knowledge that there was nothing you could do about it.  There was no other choice for Michael, Amon.  He had to put up with it if he wanted to keep breathing, so you remember that the next time you feel like wallowing in self-pity.”


Amon wasn’t exactly sure how he should take that last remark.  He really wanted to remind the cocky blonde that he had no idea what it was like for him and Michael.  What he experienced in Zaizen’s office last night was just the tip of the iceberg.  And he wasn’t wallowing.  He was a realist.  He accepted the cold, brutal fact that there was no way he could ever have a normal, functioning relationship with anyone- man or woman.  After how many dates would it be appropriate to mention that you were basically a sex slave to your boss and at his command, preformed a wide range of illicit acts with a staggering number of men?  No one in their right mind would stay with a person with that much emotional baggage.  And that’s not including the tattoo on his back.  His permanent brand, lest he forget what he was and who owned him.    


Coming to the decision that this discussion was at an end, Amon stood.  “I think it would be best if I leave now.  I’ve told you everything you need to know.  I will bring you the information I’ve gathered so far to you after office hours tomorrow.”  He pivoted on his heel, picked up his trench coat from where it was draped over the sofa, and began to walk towards the door to the apartment. 


“Wait a sec, Amon,” Sakaki called out as he jumped to his feet to follow.  He caught up in a few short steps, and snagged the other man’s wrist to stop him.


Amon turned quickly and wrenched his arm out of the teen’s grasp.  The Orbo pendant flared a brilliant green and bubbled lively inside the glass cylinder.  Sakaki’s eyes went impossibly wide at the display. 


“The Orbo…just now…it blocked your craft?” he asked, eyes never leaving the necklace nestled against Amon’s strong chest.


“It did,” he replied, his voice deceivingly even.  “It can lash out sometimes…when I am agitated.”   He watched the boy’s face, expecting to see fear, anger even, but all he could see was a child-like astonishment, as though he was beholden to something other-worldly. 


“How come it didn’t react last night when Zaizen…”  Sakaki thoughtfully ended  there.  The thin ice of this topic was not so easily tread upon.


“I’m used to that,” was all Amon responded, the implied because its happened so many times before, didn’t need to be said. 


Sakaki sighed, and looked up to meet Amon’s gaze.  “Look, I’m sorry.  Don’t go.  My mouth tends to act on its own sometimes.  It’s been a rough couple of days and last night was…a lot to handle.  And you just dropped a huge bomb in my lap a few minutes ago.  I think I’m better now, so don’t run away because I was acting like a dick.”


“I wasn’t run-“


“Yeah, you were,” Sakaki interrupted when Amon tried to retort.  “It’s okay though, I understand that too.”  He took a step back and let go of the wrist he hadn’t realized he was still holding.  “It took Michael a long time before he fully trusted me and believed that I wasn’t going to turn on him and hurt him too.  It was really hard to be with him and know that when I wasn’t there, he was being hurt in ways that I couldn’t imagine.  It was even harder to pretend like they had never happened in those rare moments when we could be alone.”  Amon gave him a curious look, not sure where he was going with this.  “What I’m trying to say is that he could at least lean on me whenever he felt he needed it, but it looks like you don’t have anything like that.  We’re in this together…me, you, and Michael.  I want to…shit, this is awkward…you can lean on me, too…if you want.  You know; if you need to talk to someone about…stuff.”


It was Amon’s turn to be completely floored.  Someone was reaching out to him, caring about his well-being?  It boggled his mind.  “You would do that for me?” he asked.  His expression was open and honestly amazed at this turn of events.


Sakaki nodded.  “I would.  Who else can we trust with this than each other?”


“I suppose you’re right…thank you,” he bowed slightly in gratitude.  Sakaki dipped his head to acknowledge the older man. 


“So, what now?” the blonde asked after a few seconds of silence.


“How about I drive you over to see Michael?  He’s been very worried about you.” 


Sakaki chuckled lightly.  “Yeah, I bet he has.  Let me grab my shoes and jacket, and we’ll go.”


Amon pulled his own coat on as he waited for the boy to finish.  Once they were properly attired, they exited the apartment.  Amon stood behind Sakaki in the hall as he locked the door.  He caught a whiff of clean body and soap.  It assaulted his senses like nothing else had.  His eyes roamed over Sakaki’s lean and deceptively strong body and noticed that some of the blonde’s hair was stuck inside the collar of his leather riding jacket.  Unconsciously, he reached out to remove the captured strands.  His hair looked so soft; he wanted to touch it again, to let his fingers glide through the silky locks.  But he stilled his hand a mere inch away.  No, not mine.  Not mine to touch…no matter how much I want to.  He let his hand fall limply to his side. 


Sakaki turned to face him once the deadbolt had been locked; a bright grin adorned his face.  “Ready?” he asked jovially.


Amon bit down hard on the inside of his cheek to chase away the longing that was building inside him.  “Yes, let’s go,” he said flatly and turned to walk down the hallway.








Once again, sorry for the length of time between updates.  RL has been keeping me from writing as much as I’d like.  So, what’s Amon’s craft, hmmm?  I’m keeping that under wraps for a little while longer, but don’t worry, it will be revealed eventually.  As always, many, many thanks to everyone who is reading and hanging in between updates.  You guys really keep me going and make it all worthwhile.


Much love to  presser_kun  for the beta on this chapter.  *hugs*

Current Mood: annoyedannoyed