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21 September 2008 @ 09:09 pm
Opinions please?  
Cielo's questions regarding "Solitary Pisces" got me thinking about a sequel from Allelujah's POV.  So I had a few minutes and some extra brain cells tonight and wrote a bit.  My question is- should I continue?  I mean, this story pretty much cements a few things hinted at in SP and takes it that one step further.  Is it worth me spending some more time on?

Sex was always clumsy the first time with a new partner.  No matter how intense the passion was, there was still unsure hands that didn’t know where they were supposed to be and the rhythm never seemed to be quite right, but it was enough to satisfy a body’s needs.


Once again Allelujah found himself on his back, staring up at the ceiling of his quarters, trying to catch his breath in the post-coital aftermath, mind still trying to wrap his head around what happened.  The sheets were a tangled clump at the foot of the bed, half on the floor.  He was wet and sticky all over, but was too unmotivated to do something about it even though he knew from experience that it would dry into an itchy crust in places you didn’t want an itchy crust.   Why?    


Why? Was the question most frequently asked these days.  Why did he agree to go back to his apartment?  Why did he tell the whole story?  Why didn’t he try to stop him from joining, from throwing away his life too?  Why didn’t he say no when he showed up outside his quarters asking to talk….why?


The body next to him shifted to grab the bottle of water off the nightstand.  Allelujah closed his eyes as the narrow mattress rippled like water.




He opened his eyes.  The other man’s face was hovering just inches from his own.  They had the same face. 


“Yes, thank you…Lyle.” He said softly as he sat up, forcing the other man to back off.  He almost let the name slip again.  It wasn’t the first time and it probably wouldn’t be the last. 


Lyle sat with one foot hanging off the side of the bed, watching him drink.  Allelujah watched him out of the corner of his eye before busying himself recapping the bottle and setting it on the floor on his side of the bed.  He knew he was failing miserably at keeping things seeming normal.


“So what now?” Lyle asked.  He was as straightforward as his brother sometimes.  “We can’t go back to the way it was…now that we…”  He backed off with a boyish blush, too embarrassed to say the word.   


“Fucked?”  Allelujah supplied it for him anyway.   

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Franfranwi on September 22nd, 2008 03:31 pm (UTC)
Me likey! This was really good. I love Allelujah's mix of regret and satisfaction - and the way he kind of fumbled with the name. Lyle seems to think it's a beginning, but Allelujah seems hesitant, afraid he's still chasing memories of Lockon. I say write whatever you're inspired to work on, and if this tale is nipping at you, go for it. ;)
evilkat_meowevilkat_meow on September 23rd, 2008 12:36 am (UTC)
Re: Oooh
I thought about it all day at work and decided that I would try and see where this leads me. Wish me luck! And thanks for the praise. You always have such nice things to say^^