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13 March 2008 @ 11:57 pm
Crap, I just realized I have two weeks left of maternity leave.  I soooo do not want to go back to work after being away for 3 months.  Plus, I'll miss my little guy and spending time with him all day.  By the time I get home from work, I'll only get a few hours before he has to go to bed.  It's kind of a bummer. 

Which brings me to another thing- these postpartum hormones are a bitch.  I don't think I have the depression and I feel like I'm on an even keel most of the time, but there are times when I'll cry at the stupidest things or for no reason at all.  It's quite disturbing.  I'm not a cryer and I didn't have any of this while I was pregnant.  This is so bizarre and completely foreign to me.  I'm a little worried that this might happen when I go back to work.  All I need is to have a sobbing fit at my desk.  I've also  been having these horrible dreams and thoughts about going into the nursery and finding the baby dead in the crib.  I wake up in a panic and have to check the video monitor to make sure he's still breathing.  Even when I don't have the dreams, I'm still checking the monitor a dozen times overnight.  I guess its normal to be worried, I am a first time mom and all....but meh.  I'm back on the pill now.  Perhaps that will straighten out the hormones that have gone astray. 
Current Mood: blahblah
rookafrk on March 15th, 2008 01:45 am (UTC)
i guess having to go back to work sucks *nods*
does your monitor also have sound ? Maybe you'd feel less worried if you could actually hear your baby breathe and make babysounds instead of having to check the picture ?
evilkat_meowevilkat_meow on March 15th, 2008 04:16 am (UTC)
The monitor does have sound. It's quite the high-tech little thing complete with night vision. I swear I wake up with every little sound he makes. I thought that would end when he outgrew the bassinet and was no longer sleeping in our room. Guess not. A friend told me its "the mother hearing." Our senses become so attuned to the baby that we hear all. It's biological.
rookafrk on March 16th, 2008 01:16 am (UTC)
I heard about the mother hearing, but i can only imagine what it feels like. As a new mum it's normal you think of your baby's safety all the time. I know in that kind of situations rationalizing does not really help, but after all, your baby is healthy and i'm sure you and your husband are great parents !
amelia cavendish: crazydiamond_ sanzo imperfectyami_tai on March 16th, 2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
You only get three months off? That sucks! I hope that the hormones sort themselves out soon *hugs*!
evilkat_meowevilkat_meow on March 17th, 2008 09:30 pm (UTC)
I could take longer, but then I would be using vacation days and personal time. It sucks, but I'd rather save that time for later in the year.