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31 January 2007 @ 08:18 pm
Crack...100% pure crack  
Too lazy to write your own drabbles? Go here and let them do it for you. It's MadLibs for drabbles.  How quaint! If only real writing were this easy. Anyway, enjoy a crack-a-lackin' Christmas story between Ishida and Renji.  I probably should have picked more of a crack pairing, but what the hell, I almost pissed myself at the results.



The Miracle Of The Moose

Uryuu hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like riding a psychotic horse towards a burning stable. He loathed it.

Every December, Uryuu would feel himself getting all elongated inside. He refused to put up a Christmas pumpkin pie, he snapped at anyone rapid enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Uryuu had to go to the mall to buy a salty railroad car. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing softly around and so much Christmas music blaring wearily, he thought his ear would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a shiny man collecting for charity. Uryuu never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the shiny man dropped his bells and ran in a closet. There was a furry moose right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the shiny man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Uryuu rushed out and morbidly pushed them both out of the way. There was a tall bang and then everything went dark.

When Uryuu woke up, he was in a lean room. There was a Christmas pumpkin pie in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Uryuu's cock hurt. A lot.

The shiny man came into the room. "I'm so wet!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Renji. You saved me from the truck. But your cock is broken."

Uryuu hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas pumpkin pie up and his cock was broken, he felt quite smooth, especially when he looked at Renji.

"Your cock must hurt happily," Renji said. "I think this will help." And he launched Uryuu several times.

Now Uryuu felt very smooth indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Renji. "I love you," he said, and kissed Renji joyfully.

"I love you too," said Renji. Just then, the moose ran into the room and nuzzled Uryuu's belly button. "I brought him home with us," Renji said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Uryuu said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever
 
 
Current Mood: amusedamused
 
 
 
Fran: WTF? Ishida (Bleach)franwi on February 1st, 2007 03:34 am (UTC)
Holy Hell.
Uryuu hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like riding a psychotic horse towards a burning stable. He loathed it.

I actually find this opening quite intriguing! And we all know it's those psychotic horses that always run back towards the burning stable! LOL.

Every December, Uryuu would feel himself getting all elongated inside.

TMI, Uryuu! TMI!!! As for me, I loooooove hanging up the Christmas pumpkin pie! He's just being an angsty bishie!

he snapped at anyone rapid enough to sing a carol in his vicinity They'd have to be quick, at least quicker than he can draw his bow, that scrooge.

a salty railroad car - I won't ask. LOL!

so many shoppers pushing softly around and so much Christmas music blaring wearily EMO CHRISTMAS IS HERE!

Suddenly, the shiny man dropped his bells and ran in a closet. Was he donning a cape and tights?

Uryuu rushed out and morbidly pushed them both out of the way. There was a tall bang and then everything went dark. Okay, THAT was a bit brain-hurty.

I am sooooo dying with this... Also, Uryuu's cock hurt. A lot. Woohoo! Merry Christmas Quincy Archer! Ouch.

The shiny man came into the room. "I'm so wet!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Renji. You saved me from the truck. But your cock is broken." OMG!! Cracking up!

Uryuu hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas pumpkin pie up and his cock was broken, he felt quite smooth, especially when he looked at Renji. Hot damn Renji's smexiness washes away the pain!

"Your cock must hurt happily," Renji said. "I think this will help." And he launched Uryuu several times. It's a happy hurt! LOL!! Launched properly read as *fucked*.

Now Uryuu felt very smooth indeed. Hell yeah after *several* times with Renji, who wouldn't? He's probably nearing that coma stage!

And he loved Renji. "I love you," he said, and kissed Renji joyfully. OMG - Chad who??

The "Miracle" the moose nuzzling Uryuu's belly button was just icing on this horrific, yet erotic drabble.

It was the best Christmas ever Or at least the craziest!


























Okay... here's mine, lol. Sorry it turned out to be a Mary Sue fic! UGH! And it's not nearly as naughty or fun as yours.

A Blazing Occurrence

Aizen paced up and down, jiggling his hair. His very good friend, Mary Sue Chair, had arranged to meet him here in Inoue's room. "I have something super-awesome-sexy to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue Chair was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Aizen expected to see her bounce up, her captive hair streaming behind her and her sadistic eyes aglow.

Aizen heard footsteps, but they seemed rather large for a delicate and haunting girl like Mary Sue Chair, whose tread was fading. He turned around and found Orihime staring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Orihime said arrogantly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Aizen had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so languidly. "Mary Sue Chair asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Orihime, his chest began to throb rigidly.

"Oh," Orihime said, charmingly. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Aizen said and caught Orihime by her fist. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Orihime said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, with a sadistic laugh that reverberated off the walls around them.

From behind a chain, Mary Sue Chair watched with a dark light in her rough eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Aizen/Orihime". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the hollow from extinction.
evilkat_meow: Ishida- Oh noes!evilkat_meow on February 1st, 2007 03:56 am (UTC)
Re: Holy Hell.
OMG! If I thought I laughed hysterically when I first read the final outcome, your comments had me positively roaring. The tears were streaming^^

Salty railroad car- FTW!

LOLZ @ Mary Sue Chair. Best name evar!

Aizen paced up and down, jiggling his hair. Damn that Jello-hair! It never wants to stay still.
Fran: Matsumoto (Bleach)franwi on February 1st, 2007 04:05 am (UTC)
Man
What a horrible Valentine's Day story this is...

The Adventure Of The Hollow

Hitsugaya and Matsumoto were out for a jutting Valentine's walk in the daytime. As they went, Matsumoto rested her hand on Hitsugaya's chest. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so red, Hitsugaya was filled with sticky dread.

"Do you suppose it's jaded here?" he asked hotly.

"You sweet silly," Matsumoto said, tickling Hitsugaya with her zanpaktou. "It's completely haunting."

Just then, a warm hollow leapt out from behind a reiatsu and cornered Matsumoto in the eyes. "Aaargh!" Matsumoto screamed.

Things looked soft. But Hitsugaya, although he was small, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a wok and, with a memorable touch that seared away all doubts, beat the hollow sexily until it ran off. "That will teach you to pull innocent people."

Then he clasped Matsumoto close. Matsumoto was bleeding teasingly. "My darling," Hitsugaya said, and pressed his lips to Matsumoto's lips.

"I love you," Matsumoto said broodingly, and expired in Hitsugaya's arms.

Hitsugaya never loved again.




Waaaaah! If I knew it was a death fic, I'd have chosen a different couple! Poor Hitsugaya!!!!!! LOL.
evilkat_meow: Yayoi- sadevilkat_meow on February 1st, 2007 04:09 am (UTC)
Re: Man
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! *weeps*

This fic generator is just too much fun, isn't it?
Fran: Devil Inside - Aizen (Bleach)franwi on February 1st, 2007 04:16 am (UTC)
Very Fun.
I also find it funny that even a random drabble generator affixed "small" to Hitsugaya! LOL. Still giggling at that last one with Aizen and Inoue. The image of him brushing out his hair at the end of the SS arc has me thinking Jello-hair now!
evilkat_meow: froggyevilkat_meow on February 1st, 2007 04:28 am (UTC)
Re: Very Fun.
Well, the Jello also helps keep it slicked back. Most haircare products are very damaging. Jello is all natural.

And I'm still dying over salty railroad car. It sounds sexual...like, "he totally gave that chick a salty railroad car."

I'm so adding that to my lj header. It's too good not to keep around for a while.
Fran: Ichigo - No Weakness (Bleach)franwi on February 1st, 2007 04:36 am (UTC)
Last One, I swear.
And I'm still dying over salty railroad car. It sounds sexual...like, "he totally gave that chick a salty railroad car." HA! Now you must figure out WHAT that would be... exactly.


I wanted to do one and post it on my site, but this one turned out waaaay too S&M!!! Who thought Ichigo and Inoue would be so... creepy!

I'm Dreaming Of A Creepy Christmas

It was Christmas Eve. Ichigo sat sharply in the middle of the night, sipping blazing hard eggnog.

He looked at the batshit crazy zanpakutou hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Inoue had hung it there, just before they looked at each other carefully and then fell into each other's arms and carved each other's aroused sex.

If only I hadn't been so super-awesome-sexy, Ichigo thought, pouring a piercing amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Inoue might not have got so bloody and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a sandpaper-like tear and held his ample chest in his hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a big jiggling voice lifted roughly up in song.



I'm dreaming of a creepy Christmas

Just with a sudden flow of tears that trickled down flushed cheeks



Ichigo ran to the door. It was Inoue, looking dripping wet all over with snow.

"I missed you submissively," Inoue said. "And I wanted to slash your aroused sex again."

Ichigo hugged Inoue and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," Inoue said.

"I think so too," Ichigo said and they carved each other's aroused sex until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted hollow broken heart and lived wickedly until Ichigo got drunk again.
evilkat_meow: Hakaryuu- ouchevilkat_meow on February 1st, 2007 04:50 am (UTC)
Uh...ouch?
You should totally post this one on your lj. It is the winnar!

I busted out laughing at "bat-shit crazy zanpakutou" We all know Zangetsu is a little...off^^

And who would have thought they were into scarification? Inoue seemed like such a nice girl. "I want to slash your aroused sex again" What a hussy.

And as for the salty railroad car....I think we all have a general idea of what it could be. *snicker*
Fran: Ichigo Colorful (Bleach)franwi on February 1st, 2007 06:01 am (UTC)
Oh what interesting holidays these folks are having, huh? LOL! Slashing aroused sexual organs aside, I must admit... I think I've had a salty railroad car before! ;)
evilkat_meow: Ichigoevilkat_meow on February 1st, 2007 10:21 pm (UTC)
I think we've all had a salty railroad car *wink wink*
thrull_o_ha_des: vroom pigthrull_o_ha_des on February 2nd, 2007 01:18 am (UTC)
0_0
I don't think I should've clicked on any of those links.
...
...
...
Thank you for traumatizing me... uhh... I think... (I'm scared for my life now)

But jeez... "Salty Railroad Car"? how did that come up? lol
evilkat_meow: Ginevilkat_meow on February 2nd, 2007 01:24 am (UTC)
*dies laughing* I warned you!

Ask the fic generator about salty railroad car. I just picked the nouns and adjectives ^__^
rookafrk on February 7th, 2007 08:41 am (UTC)
kukuku
oh god!
I'm glad i didn't see that when i had a lot of work to do... I can feel i'm gonna spend the morning playing with this xD

And don't worry, Uryuu/Renji is pretty crack !
evilkat_meowevilkat_meow on February 7th, 2007 10:04 pm (UTC)
Re: kukuku
Play away, its just too much insanity not to. ^__^